I recently coached a non-ADD adult regarding some of her specific issues living with her ADD adult partner. My client voiced concern that is easily the most common complaint I hear from non-ADD relationship partners. “I feel like he needs me to tell him what to do all the time. I have to guide him and direct him. I resent that I married my husband to have an equal partner but now I feel like I’ve got another child to take care of.”
Adults with ADD tend to lack the inherent nature of structure and routine. Consequently, adults with ADD often function best when there is some source of ‘external structure’ in their life, ie work and school. However, non-ADD relationship partners also provide a great deal of structure and anchoring for the adult with ADD. Without this anchor, the ADD partner may have a greater tendency to meander during projects, chores, and possibly with life in general. Thus, it may appear that the ADD partner is depending on you or that he/she won’t do certain things without your comments or reminders.
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